Lou's Most Excellent Smashed Spicy Squash

This was adapted from, I think, an original recipe from Jamie Oliver. I've modified it quite a bit.

You can use this as a dip for crusty baguette or as a side dish. Best part is that it's easy, relatively healthy for you (albeit it's got a shitload of olive oil in it), and pretty much everyone likes it.

I've "twisted" this version a bit. What's written is what I did tonight but I've noted what I usually do. I'm certain that Sichuan peppercorns are not usually found in most home kitchens....

...and these are wonderful things. They have an unusual property of creating a numbing sensation, especially on the lips. They're not hot like a classical hot pepper nor pungetly-sneezy like black pepper. Dare I say it (and risk sounding like an idiot from a TV show hyped up on uppers): they're kind'a fun.

Lookie here though: these lil' bastards can pack a punch that you're not used to and may not be expecting. If not familiar with them I suggest you cut the amount I call for in half or just use red pepper flakes to a level you like. Your lips and tongue will numb up, almost like on Novocaine, but the heat sensation is not blinding. It's there, but different. I suppose there was a reason they were illegal in the US up until a few years ago (really).

[Note: this dish takes about 45 minutes to make. Most of it is just waiting around but for a veggie/side/app, you should know that this isn't very quick.]

1 leek, white part only, thinly chopped
1 tsp Sichuan peppercorns, coarsely ground (normal: 1 TSP red pepper flakes)
3 garlic cloves, minced (use less if you're not into garlic)
1 tsp Herbs de Provence
4 medium zucchini
1 medium eggplant, peeled (optional - good for stretching)
A lot of extra virgin olive oil
Salt - I've been using sea salt as of late

In a 3 - 4 quart pot (pending if you're using an eggplant or not), add about 3 TBS of olive oil over low heat. Add the leek and sweat it over medium-low heat for about 10 minutes until softened.

Meanwhile, cut the zucchini into big chunks as so:

Cut two in half lengthwise, then into 8 pieces.
Cut one in half lengthwise, then into 4 pieces.
Cut the last into 5 pieces.

Look - do whatever. You need some big pieces and small pieces and that's the deal. If using the eggplant, cut big cubes (say, 2"x1" and some smaller ones that are 1"x1"). I'm certain you'll figure it out. Set aside.

Add the peppercorns and cook for about 2 minutes; the fat from the oil helps release the "heat" from the peppercorns. Add in the garlic and cook for about 1 minute, then the zucchini, eggplant (if using), herbs, and about 2 TBS more oil. Toss to mix, set heat to medium low, cover, and let simmer for about 20 minutes undisturbed.

After about 20 minutes remove the lid and using a flat-ended thinger (this is my favorite tool for doing this - a flat wooden spatula),

smash the shit out of the pieces. Some will stay big, some will not...this is a result of starting with a melange of sizes. The largest pieces remaining should be as big as the smallest you started with (make sense?).

At this point salt to taste and you'll quickly find out if you made it too hot too. If so, there ain't much you can do at this point except Plan B: live up to it or Plan C: go get a bag of frozen broccoli and serve that.

Set heat to simmer and let simmer uncovered for another 20 min.

Serve as you wish....

Lou's Most Excellent Sweety Leeks

Need a different side? Here you go. Works well with anything (assuming you like what's in this to start with). Leeks are filthy veggies - always loaded with dirt n' shit. Make sure you clean 'em (I'll tell you how).

3 large leeks
8 pieces of raw okra, sliced into ¼ inch slices
¼ fennel bulb, sliced very thin
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 TBS fresh ginger, finely minced
1 TBS minced parsley
1 cup Gewurztraminer wine
Extra virgin olive oil
Sea salt

Clean the leeks. Take each leek and cut the bottom ½ inch off then go ½ inch into the green end and cut the leaves off. Discard the bottom and top. Halve each leek longitudinally. Discard the outer layer and rinse the leek under cool water, fanning it, to remove all the dirt.

Slice the leeks very thin, as thin as you can without slicing your finger tips off (which shouldn't happen if you know how to chop, but I do this wrong all the time).

In a medium non-stick skillet, over medium heat add the olive oil and warm to shimmer. Add the okra and sauté for about 3 minutes, tossing to keep even. Add in the garlic and ginger and saute for 30 more seconds, then throw in all the leeks with about 2 TSP of sea salt. Toss to mix and reduce heat to medium-low. Toss every-so-often to keep the cooking even over the course of 5 minutes. Add half the wine to the mix and continue to cook for five more minutes, then add the rest of the wine and cook for 2 - 3 more minutes, until the leeks are tender. Add in the parsley and serve immediately.

I topped off some halibut on mashed cauliflower with this mixture. Pretty good.

Lou's Most Excellent Honeyed Asparagus

It's very easy to do grilled asparagus: coat with olive oil, garlic, and salt and pepper. Grill. Too bad it gets really boring after awhile. Oh boy, grilled asparagus, again. Doesn't that sum'bitch come up with anything new?

So if boredom's got you down, try this.

1 pound fresh asparagus
Macadamia nut oil
Sea salt
1 small shallot, minced
1 clove garlic, minced
2 TBS honey
1 fennel bulb, cut into ¼ inch rings and halved

Cut the bottom inch off the asparagus and plunge the stalks into about 2 inches of fresh, cold water. Let them sit for 30 minutes. [This helps rejuvenate the stuff - it really works]

If the asparagus is thick (thicker than your pinky finger thick), lightly peel the stalks with a veggie peeler being careful not to peel your finger, like I did. It was a gusher - took 30 minutes to stop. This photo is 3 days later.

In a baking dish large enough to hold all the asparagus, sprinkle with sea salt and then coat with about 2 TBS of macadamia nut oil. Add the shallot, garlic, and honey to the mix and then add in the fennel.

Grill over direct fire until lightly browned. Serve immediately.

Lou's Most Excellent Curry II

This is remarkably good for you and remarkably tasty..... I forgot to take a picture when it was completed so here you see a half eaten version. And the picture sucks since the lighting was off and I wanted to hurry back to eat. Sorry.

I made this with hesitation: another oh-boy-something-healthy-it's-gonna-lack-everything. Turns out...it does lack but only because it ain't the real full-fat deal. But if you're watching things, you're gonna be very happy with it.

The addition of saffron probably contributes absolutely nothing to the dish except a visual: it looks nice. The scallops cook lightly - in fact they still are a bit raw in the middle but that's a good scallop. Cook longer if you wish...to ruin your scallops.

12 large scallops
6 large shrimp, peeled and deveined
Black sesame salt
1 14oz can light coconut milk
½ cup chicken broth
2 TBS Thai green curry paste
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
1 stick lemon grass, cut into quarters
5 - 7 dried Thai chili peppers
2 TBS minced ginger
4 shaved (or minced) garlic cloves
2 TSP cumin
Saffron sprigs
1 green onion, green ends cut into 2" pieces, whites finely chopped
Sea salt
¼ cup of chopped macadamia nuts
½ cup dried Chinese black rice (prepared to mfr's directions)
Peanut, olive, sesame, and chili oils

2 baby bok choi heads
8 oz choy sum (sometimes called yu choy)*
½ cup chicken broth
2 minced garlic cloves

*If you can't find this, add two more baby bok choi heads.

In a 3 quart pot add 2 TBS of olive oil and a dash each of the sesame and chili oils. Heat to medium then add the yellow onions with a big pinch of sea salt. Sweat the onions for about 10 minutes - you want them highly translucent. At this point, add the chili peppers (whole), ginger, and shaved garlic. Saute for about one minute, then stir in the cumin. Add the chili paste, stir to mix, then stir in the chicken broth until the chili paste has been dissolved. Pour in the coconut milk and add in the lemon grass along with a big pinch of saffron sprigs. Reduce heat to simmer and let sit for 30 minutes.

Take about 3 TBS of the black sesame salt and put into a little dish. Dip one end of each scallop into this, heavily coating it. Sprinkle the remaining salt over the shrimp. Set aside.

Cut the bottom inch off the bok choi, peel the leaves, and wash in a colander. They will be dirty. Do the same for the choy sum and save the flowers. In a 5 quart pan bring the other ½ cup of chicken broth to a simmer. Add the garlic, a big pinch of sea salt, and all the leaves at once. Continually turn to braise the leaves for about 10 minutes. Set aside.

In a non-stick saute pan add about 1 TBS of peanut oil, just enough to cover the bottom. Heat over medium high heat to shimmer. Sear the uncoated side of the scallops first for about 1 minute, then the coated sides for an additional minute. Remove from the pan - you will need a good spatula to do this as even in the non-stick pan they still stick a little. Set on a plate, cover, then cook the shrimp till done.

Add the green onion sprigs to the curry.

Drain the bok choi and place a small mound on a plate. Pour a large laddlefull of curry over the bok choi; in the center of the bok choi add about ¼ cup of the cooked rice. Arrange scallops around the plate and place two shrimp each on top of the rice. Sprinkle with macadamia nuts and the whites of the green onions. Don't eat the lemon grass nor the red chili peppers.

Lou's Just OK Chicken Fricasee

Not the most excellent...but good. Better than edible. What it really is is a dish your grandmother used to make to feed an army of starving mouths living on a budget. I tried to update it (still a starving mouth, but not living on too tight a budget) but the result is the same: it's chicken in a pot with veggies.

A little - well, a lot - more tender and healthier too. I would venture to call it kid friendly if your kids like carrots, celery, and turnips (which you can leave out). Best of all this is SUPER fast and easy; comes together in one pot in under 30 minutes and slow cooks for hours in the oven at low temp.

1 whole chicken breast, bone in, skin on
3 cups chicken broth
2 medium yellow onions, halved and sliced thin
3 garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
1 "poultry" bouquet garni*
6 carrots, chopped into 1" pieces
6 celery stalks, chopped into 1" pieces
1 turnip, baseball sized, peeled and cut into 1" chunks
1.5 TBS flour
Salt & pepper
Canola oil

*You can buy a poultry herb mix usually all done up in those plastic herb boxes. If not, make your own with 1 sprig rosemary, 5 sprigs time, and 5 sprigs sage.

On a cutting board, place the chicken breast, skin up, and smash once with the base of your palm or a small sauce pan. All you want to do is break the bone (not yours, the chickens, dip-shit) down the middle so it lays a little flat. Sprinkle the breast with about 1 TSP of salt. In a five quart Dutch oven, heat up 1 TBS of canola oil over medium high heat. Add the chicken breast, skin side down, and brown for about 3 minutes. Flip over onto the bone side and cook another 3 minutes. Brown on each side as well. Set the breast aside, reserving the fat in the pot.

Reduce heat to medium and add the onions. Saute for about 5 minutes until softened. Add the garlic and cook an additional 30 seconds. Then add the flour and stir into the onions; it will become pasty. Cook like this for about a minute.

Add one cup of the chicken broth and stir, the broth will become thickened. Add another cup, mix, and then the final cup. If after the second addition the broth is very thin - like soup - only add another half cup.

Bring to a light boil and add the bouquet garni. Simmer for about 5 minutes and then add the carrots, celery, and turnips. Bring back to a simmer and remove the bouquet. Add salt & pepper to taste.

Halve the chicken breast and cut each piece into thirds. Add to the pot, stir to mix, cover, and place in the oven for about 3 hours or longer.

The chicken will be very tender when finished. Remove as many bones as you can - they'll just come right off - but warn everyone that some smaller ones might still be present. Serve with noodles or rice.

Lou's Most Excellent Spicy Tequila Succotash

I never say this when I make something before it's done, but while scooping this into the bowl - before I even tasted it - I said to Judy, "This is gonna be f'ing good."

Turns out I was right. So right that this morning Judy wanted this as her side dish for her sandwich this afternoon instead of Cheetos, which are pretty hard to pass up.

A lot of things went into this and I think some could even be left out if you don't have them, such as the parsley, chives, and Romano cheese. Otherwise this comes together pretty quick and is a different take on the classic succotash.

Two ears fresh corn
One medium zucchini
Two roasted Hatch or Anaheim chili peppers
One jalapeno pepper
3 TBS Tequila
1 TBS butter
2 TBS heavy cream
2 TBS grated Parmesan
1 TBS grated Peccorino-Romano
1 TBS minced parsley
1 TSP minced chives
Salt

Shuck the corn and cut off the kernels, set aside. Cut the zucchini in half, then quarter each piece and halve each of those; you wind up with each piece cut into eighths. Cut the inner wedge/seeds out of each by running a knife up each piece so you are only left with the skin of the zucchini with about ¼ inch of flesh. Dice the zucchini into corn-kernel sized chunks.

Remove the skins and seeds from the chili peppers; cut into dime sized chunks. Remove the seeds from the jalapeno and finely dice.

In a large, non-stick skillet heat to medium-high. Add the butter and allow it to brown, then add the corn and zucchini bits. Allow to sit for 3 - 4 minutes undisturbed, then quickly toss. Check to see that the vegetables are browning. If they aren't, let them sit longer prior to tossing. Do this for about 10 minutes; check for doneness by eating a corn kernel. Add the peppers when the corn is done and cook an additional 3 minutes.

Add the Tequila and mix, let simmer off for 3 - 4 minutes and then add the cream. Toss in the cheeses, mix, then add the herbs. Add salt to taste...in our case we didn't need any as all the flavors worked without the need.

Lou's Most Excellent Arugula & Scallop Risotto

I had a vegetarian version of this at New Heights recently and it was fantastic. We had a great time there - Sietsema from the Post recently gave it a very good review - but the service was pretty downright lousy. The food, however, was phenomenal.

Never in my life have I ordered a vegetarian entree unless it was eggplant parm or I was forced to go to a vegetarian Indian restaurant. I'm not a "meat & potatoes" guy but I do like my protein to come from things that once moved about. Thus, starting with a tomato salad and then the arugula risotto even raised eyebrows from Judy, my wife.

I've been thinking about that risotto for the last few days and now I'm doing it. Risotto is an überbitch to make as it takes constant babysitting. It's technically easy but you just have to tend to it constantly; be prepared not to leave your stove for about 30 minutes straight once you get going on this. But an added bonus to this dish is that it's moderately healthy: sure there's some fat from the butter and olive oil but with all the veggies going on you should get *some* credit here.

Risotto - and anything you wind up putting in it or on it - turns your kitchen into a mess. I had the processor out, several pans, lots of bowls, cutting boards, etc. Get ready for clean-up. This all said, don't be scared and here we go:

5 oz baby arugula, cleaned
5 basil leaves
6 sprigs of parsley
3 garlic cloves, peeled & smashed
Extra virgin olive oil
Kernels from a half hear of corn
4 cups of chicken stock (or broth), simmering
6 large diver scallops
4 fresh, ripe figs, halved (I prefer the Calimyrna but any will do)
4 baby yellow squash, quartered and cut into dime sized pieces
1½ cups of risotto (arborio)
1 medium onion, finely chopped
4 tablespoons clarified butter (regular butter or olive oil will work)
¼ cup + 1 TBS freshly grated Parmesan
Dry white wine, at least 1 cup (Pinot Grigio or Orvieto work)
1 70 pound black lab

In a food processor add the arugula, basil, parsley and garlic. Pulse for about 10 seconds in 1 second bursts. Add about 3 TBS of olive oil and run the processor until the mixture becomes a paste, almost pesto-ish. Remove from the processor and stir in the ¼ cup of Parmesean cheese. Set aside.

Heat a large, high walled pan (a Dutch oven if you've got it) up to medium high. Add the clarified butter; if using olive oil or butter only heat up to medium. Wait till the fat begin to shimmer and then add the baby squash with a big pinch of kosher salt. Toss in the oil and let sauté, undisturbed, for about 3 minutes. Toss the veggies again - they should be browned by now - and cook a little longer to even out the brownness. Add the corn kernels, toss to mix, and then remove all from the pan into a separate bowl.

[Why clarified butter? Well, a) I had some and b) you can heat it hotter than regular butter and olive oil. And it tastes good too.]

Add the figs to the pan with the fruit side down and let cook undisturbed for about 3 - 4 minutes; you want them to sizzle. Remove from the pan once they begin to show signs of caramelizing...which you just want to reach but not achieve...if that makes sense. Set the figs aside. Tell the dog - again - to get out of the kitchen.

Turn the pan heat down to medium-low and let stabilize here for about 5 minutes. Add an additional TBS of butter and the onion and a big pinch of kosher salt. Sauté - constantly turning - until the onion is translucent, which is about 8 minutes.

Increase the heat to medium and get the onions sizzling - once this happens add the risotto and stir for about 90 seconds, coating the rice with the oil and onions. Add enough broth - about 1.5 cups - to this so the risotto is completely covered by broth but not drowning in it. Call the dog into the kitchen (you'll want his company now) and gently stir.

Constantly.

More and more.

When you're able to take your spoon and move it from one side of the pan to the other through the risotto and it stays parted from where you started, add more broth as you did before.

And slowly, gently stir.

But in between that....

Heat a skillet up to medium high. Add a smidge of clarified butter - just enough to lightly coat the pan. Sprinkle some sea salt on each side of the scallops. [Don't forget to stir and check your risotto....] When the pan is hot add the scallops - they should sizzle. Leave them be for about a minute then flip. Cook an additional minute or more pending your doneness preference. I like mine on the medium-rare side b/c they taste like scallops. Overcook a scallop and you might as well eat an eraser.

The risotto should be near done. Take a small sample; it should be nutty in flavor with a little bit of crunch. If you're there, you're done. If it's too hard, add more broth and keep stirring.


When you're there turn off the heat and add herb mix to the risotto, stir to mix, and then add the corn and squash. Gently stir to mix.

Get the drooling dog with the ferociously wagging tail out of the kitchen. Plate about one cup of risotto in a small mound and sprinkle with additional Parmesan if desired. Top with the scallops and figs. Grab a fork and go to town.

Lou's Most Excellent Kabob Tagliatelle

What started out as an idea for grilled spaghetti turned into this. "This" turned out to be quite good but I'm still going to work on the grilled spaghetti concept too.

On Sunday I made some killer kabobs at my folks' place. Tenderloin, shrimp, scallop, onion, bell pepper, mushroom, and squash. For four people - with an Italian sausage and calamari starter - it was way too much but that's how we do it. Fittingly, mom gave me a bunch of the left overs.

Reheating kabobs is flat-out lousy. The veggies get mushy, the meat over cooks, and it's never as satisfying as them coming right off the grill. Who in their right mind really likes reheated kabobs? Thus: do not look at left over kabobs as left over kabobs but rather the base ingredients for something else.

After four days of not having pasta, I wanted pasta. Friends' comments regarding grilling spaghetti revealed that this wasn't going to work on my grill. My grill basket was pretty rusted out and I was guessing a non-stick surface was more than somewhat necessary. Too much oil would have caused a lot of flare-ups so I decided to just pan fry.

1 pound tagliatelle pasta
Kabob leftovers
Other additions in your fridge (I used salt cured olives and grilled asparagus)
Extra virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
Parmesan cheese
Salt & pepper

Boil the pasta as per directions on the package, minus two minutes. Drain, run under cool water, and then set aside in cool water.

Separate the meat from the veggies in the kabobs. Cut each piece in half, if not quarters, so that each piece is now about the size of a quarter.

Drain the pasta in a colander and set aside.

Heat a very large skillet to medium-high heat. Add about 3 TBS of olive oil and the garlic all at once, sizzle for about 15 seconds, then dumb the veggies and other add-ins in. Continually toss for about 3 minutes, move to one side of the skillet, and then add the meats to the other side. Saute for about 3 - 5 more minutes to warm up the meats. Combine all and then remove to a clean plate.

Add about 3 TBS of olive oil to the pan and wait for the oil to "shimmer." Once this happens, add the drained pasta all at once, quickly toss, and let sit undisturbed for about 2 minutes. Toss quickly and sit another 2 minutes. Repeat this for 5 cycles; the pasta should start to brown.

Add in the veggies and toss to mix, cook an additional 3 - 4 minutes. Plate immediately and garnish with shaved Parmesan. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Lou's Most Excellent Cucumber Gin & Tonic

Gin and tonic is that drink that your drunk aunt on your dads side would always get. As the evenings would wear on, the more she asked for them, the more they got diluted down by her daughter-in-law.

No need for a snarky remark about how dirty the house or misbehaved the kids are, right?

Here's an update to the G&T. I was inspired by this from Hendrick's gin : they suggest you garnish the G&T with a cucumber slice.

Why not add the cucumber into it?

Try it: you'll like it. A lot. It becomes our drink of the summer when it's just too damned hot.


2 English (seedless) cucumbers, coarsely peeled, quartered and chopped*
Gin
Tonic
Soda water
Salt

In a blender or food processor, add the cucumber, ½ cup of cold water, and a big pinch of salt. Liquify for about 1½ - 2 minutes. Strain the pulp through a mesh strainer and reserve the juice; discard the pulp. Do not force the pulp through the strainer as you just want the juice.

In you favorite G&T glass fill to the top with ice. Follow these ratios:

1 part gin
1 part cucumber juice
1 part tonic
1 part soda

Stir to mix and serve. The juice will also keep in the fridge for about 3 days. Dot experiment with these ratios too; I find that 2 parts tonic gives that extra fizz but then adds more tonic flavor hence why I add soda. Get the flavor you like and have fun doing it.

*Figure about 1 cucumber for 2 -3 drinks, pending how big you make them.

Lou's Most Excellent Greens & Pasta

I love pasta and I think I’ve said that multiple times. But “pasta” is not a vegetable and you gotta eat your veggies.

Escarole, fortunately, is a vegetable. In fact, it’s a pretty rough vegetable in that this stuff will clean. you. out. And done right – famous last words – it’s pretty damned tasty.

done-right (dŭn rīt) v. 1. Cooking something otherwise healthy with ingredients that typically are artery clogging. adj. 2. Any food product not worth eating if described as such.

Here is a pretty good side dish that will give you a good dose of veggies and satisfaction of a nice, starchy thing-you-wanna-eat. If “done right” and you can keep the calories and fat down on this so you don’t have to feel so guilty about eating it.

As described below you prepare the pasta and escarole at the same time. This requires a fair amount of stove power and coordination. If you’re not into that (or only have one six quart pot), prepare the escarole first and then the pasta.

½ pound pasta, preferably linguini
1 large head of escarole
4 cloves garlic, minced
¼ sweet onion, sliced very thin
¼ cup dry white wine
Extra virgin olive oil
Red pepper flakes
Salt
Pepper

Bring two-six quart pots of cold water, four quarts in each, to a boil simultaneously.

Cut the bottom ¼ of the escarole off, separate all the leaves and give them a quick rinse with cold water in a colander.

Add 1 TBS of salt to each pot. Add the pasta to one; cook per directions on the box MINUS 1 minute. At the same time add the escarole to the other (you may have to do this in three bunches as it won’t all fit at once).

Cook (blanch) the escarole for about 90 seconds then pour into the colander and run cold water over it for about one minute to cool it. Carefully squeeze out excess water while being careful not to crush the escarole.

Heat 3 TBS of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook for about 2 minutes…then the garlic and cook for 30 seconds…then add the escarole and wine. Simmer until wine cooks off, about 3 minutes. By this time…

…the pasta should be done. Drain well in the colander and transfer to the pan with the escarole. Turn heat up to medium high. Once the ingredients start to sizzle cook for two more minutes, continually tossing. Season with black pepper, red pepper flakes and salt as desired.

I recently served this as a bed for sable fish that was cooked with some white wine and shitake mushrooms: it was pretty tasty.