Lou's Most Excellent Mojito

The summer mojito is typically some sick concoction of corn syrup, artificial lime juice (if you're lucky) and cheap rum. It's too bad because when you offer a mojito to someone they'll say, "Ugh." Not mine.

In fact, my brothers out in Arizona, who are beer drinkers, wanted me to make something summery for them and I whipped up my take (which really isn't a take) on the mojito. A few weeks before I was bartending a friends party and this was the signature drink.

Over ice, on a hot and humid summer day, this is great drinkin' from inside an a/c'd house looking out at all the suffering fools who decided to brave it. Like those who decide to go for a run in 95 degree heat or some stupid shit like that.

[Makes one, 16 ounce mojito, which is all you may need. Like, since when does one measure booze in 'cups'?]

1/3 cup dark, aged rum
1 lime
1 large sprig fresh mint leaves, separated from stalk
Club soda (at least 8 oz)
Simple syrup (1 cup water:1 cup sugar, boiled till dissolved, cooled to room temp)
1 TBS granulated sugar
Ice

Roll the lime to soften and cut it in half.

In a 16 ounce tall, sturdy glass, add the mint leaves, sugar, and squeeze half a lime into this. Using a pestle or a muddler, grind the mint leaves into the sugar/lime juice until the leaves appear bruised and the liquid from the mixture turns a little brown. Do your best not to mash the leaves, you just want to bruise them up. This should take about 30 seconds.

Add the other lime half and push it with your muddler, further adding more juice from the lime. Top to the top with ice and then add the rum and about 2 TBS of simple syrup. Top this with club soda and mix with a spoon or whatever is around your person (often, this is the knife with which I cut the lime with). You'll need to use an agitating motion as you won't be able to stir due to the contents. If not sweet enough, add more simple syrup.

Drink immediately and often........or at least until your teeth get numb.

You can make these in bulk too. I've done pitchers of mojito's and this works quite well. The modification is to just not add the club soda until you serve each glass. In other words, mash it all up and pour into a pitcher, add rum, then some ice to keep cold. To each glass just throw a lime half into it along with the ice etc. etc. etc....

Excellent Key Lime Cookies

I found this recipe on the web the other day since Judy needed some cookies for the office.

They're quite easy and tasty; a nice summery cookie when chocolate chip just won't do.

How to Make Key Lime Thumbprint Cookies | eHow.com

Lou's Most Excellent Guacamole

What is guacamole?

For starters it's about 95% avocado. And that means if you've got crappy avocados you're going to get crappy guacamole. QED: you need great avocados. A great, ripe avocado is somewhat soft to the touch. The kind of soft that if you pinch too hard you get a little worried you damaged it.

That's a ripe-I'm-ready-for-guacamole avocado. Anything harder don't bother with. Really...and I'm sorry to say that if that's all you got...you ain't having great guacamole tonight.

Avocado's originate in the New World from the tree Persica americana. Avocado's are not a fruit but rather a berry: it's a long story and I'm not getting into it as it has to do with ovaries and such with plants. Speaking of "such," the word 'avocado' derives from āhuacatl, which is the Azetecan/Nahuatl word for 'testicle'.

Nice!

Anyways. There are two main types of avocados found in the US: Haas (the black, rough ones) and Fuerte (the big green ones with smooth skin). The Fuerte's tend to be much larger so adjust as necessary as this recipe is written for Haas berries.

3 ripe (and I mean ripe) Haas avocados
½ yellow onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 Jalapeno, finely chopped
1 Roma tomato, seeded and chopped
2 TBS unsalted butter
Juice of one lime
Salt

In a small skillet sweat the onion with three big pinches of salt in the butter over medium-low heat. It should barely be simmering. You're goal here is to make the onions translucent without browning. This will take about 5 - 7 minutes. In the last 30 seconds add the garlic and Jalapeno.

Let cool to near room temperature, about 15 minutes.

Peel the avocados and put the pulp into a bowl. Add the onion mixture and lime juice; coarsely mix then add in the tomatoes. I like my guacamole with a few chunks of avocado in it and not fully pureed.

Add additional salt if needed.

To store the guacamole without it browning, put a layer of plastic wrap directly on top of the guacamole, trying to remove as much air as possible. Store in the fridge for up to two days; remove from fridge 30 minutes prior to serving.

Lou's Most Excellent Margarita

Just about 99% of all Mexican/Tex-Mex/Bars that make a Margarita destroy it.  The history of how the Margarita came into existence is wrought with debate: no one really knows.  But here's what we do know:

THERE. IS. NO. MARGARITA. MIX. IN. A. MARGARITA.  

How "mix" came into it is pretty astounding considering that a Margarita only has three ingredients: tequila, orange liqueur, and lime juice.  I guess some marketing genius said, "You know, three steps takes too long.  People only need two steps: "mix" and tequila.  Plus, we got all that corn syrup laying around...."

From the Food Lovers Companion, a (if not the) definition of a Margarita:  a cocktail made with tequila, an orange-flavored liqueur (usually triple sec) and lime juice.

I saw a Margarita recipe once that had all the good stuff in it - and two other things - with one of the other "things" being Sweet & Low.  

Sweet & Low?!?!?!

Ingredients matter here as do all recipes when you have less than four of them.  For the below the recipe is given as "parts" so you can easily figure out how to scale it.  If you did it as "shots" you'd have one knock-you-on-your-back Margarita.

2 parts "good" (silver) tequila (Corazon, Patron, Herradura...)

1 part Cointreau or Grand Marnier

1 part fresh (and I mean FRESH) squeezed lime juice.

Put all ingredients in an ice filled shaker and let sit for about 1 minute.  Vigorously shake for about 30 seconds, strain into your favorite salt rimmed glass (or not) and you're done.  Garnish with a lime wedge if you've got some laying around.

Watch it with these though.  A - it's an expensive drink.  If you go and order it as above, you're likely to run up a drink that's going to cost near $20.  What's more sad is that your average bartender will look at you funny saying you want a Margarita made this way.  But B - this is highly potent.  You only need a couple of these before you're having a grand time.  So if making them by the pitcher for a party do warn your guests.  Otherwise you're going to have what looks like Sangria all over your floor....

You can experiment with this.  Say some aren't too fond of tequila?  Make the ratio 1:2:1.  It's a bit sweeter and still tastes great - I like tequila so I go with the 2:1:1 but for large groups I tone it down.  Figure what works best for you and I guarantee you'll never use a mystery mix again.