Lou's Most Excellent Honeyed Asparagus

It's very easy to do grilled asparagus: coat with olive oil, garlic, and salt and pepper. Grill. Too bad it gets really boring after awhile. Oh boy, grilled asparagus, again. Doesn't that sum'bitch come up with anything new?

So if boredom's got you down, try this.

1 pound fresh asparagus
Macadamia nut oil
Sea salt
1 small shallot, minced
1 clove garlic, minced
2 TBS honey
1 fennel bulb, cut into ¼ inch rings and halved

Cut the bottom inch off the asparagus and plunge the stalks into about 2 inches of fresh, cold water. Let them sit for 30 minutes. [This helps rejuvenate the stuff - it really works]

If the asparagus is thick (thicker than your pinky finger thick), lightly peel the stalks with a veggie peeler being careful not to peel your finger, like I did. It was a gusher - took 30 minutes to stop. This photo is 3 days later.

In a baking dish large enough to hold all the asparagus, sprinkle with sea salt and then coat with about 2 TBS of macadamia nut oil. Add the shallot, garlic, and honey to the mix and then add in the fennel.

Grill over direct fire until lightly browned. Serve immediately.

Lou's Most Excellent Sausage Stuffed Chicken

Brilliant. Genius. Innovation defined.

How can one not go wrong with a chicken breast stuffed with sausage and then grilled? The idea hit me while running the other day as I didn't want to do my usual schtick with the bird, and this came up. I'm still patting myself on the back.

1 whole chicken breast, with skin and bone in, split
2 smoked sausages, skin removed*
Lou's Most Excellent Chicken Brine, minus the oregano, rosemary, chives, thyme, and onion.

*I used Meyer's Elgin sausage for this recipe.

Brine the chicken parts.

Cut the sausage lengthwise into thirds. Place three sausage strips in between the skin and the meat and lightly coat the skin with olive oil.

Cook the chicken as per LME Grilled Chicken tips skin side down, using hickory as your main smoke flavor.

Mmmmmmm.....

Lou's Most Excellent Roasted Hatch Chilies

It's that MOST, won-der-ful tiiiiiime, of the year.....

It's Hatch Chili Pepper season and usually here in DC we get screwed on the deal: in the past we've smuggled them out of Texas by checking a case of them in as luggage...much to the strange stares of everyone.

But this year I FOUND some at Whole Foods and quickly swiped most of them up, screwing anyone else that might want some. So you may be asking, "Lou, what's so special about these Hatch Chilies?"

Well, it's a terroir thing: they only come from Hatch, New Mexico and there's something in the heat, soil, handling of Anaheim peppers there that turn them into Hatch Chilies. They're hot yet buttery smooth and form the foundation of all good things needing chili peppers. From enchiladas to scrambled eggs these things add that extra something special.

But before they can be eaten they must be roasted, and that's why we're here today.

Roasting Hatch Chilies, or any pepper for that matter, is pretty simple. You can do this in an oven, over a gas stove, or the real tasty way by over a raging fire. The fire is preferred because what you want to do is get the peppers to sear and blister; the skin of the pepper isn't too pleasant on the palate. Also, roasting them bring out their great flavors.

Wash the peppers first and get a kitchen towel that's soaked and squeezed damp in water. You'll need one towel per 10 peppers. Set up a little workstation as such:

With the fire now raging in the grill, put your peppers on. They'll start to pop and smoke up a bit almost immediately. You want to char these little bastards pretty good but not cook them through. All you're really trying to do is get the skins off. They're going to blacken pretty good but there will be some peppers - notably the curved ones - that just won't fully blacken in some parts. Don't force the matter because you'll wind up cooking it through instead.

When nicely toasted, place the peppers in the center of the damp towel and fold the towel over them in thirds. Soon you'll see steam coming off the towel and the smell of fresh roasted peppers will fill the air...even if you're outside. Allow the peppers to cool to room temperature underneath the towel. Start your next batch if you've got 'em.

When done, you can use the peppers immediately or store for later use. Prior to using the peppers you'll need to remove the skins, which should come just right off. If storing, put anywhere from 2 - 6 peppers in a Ziplock bag (skins on), remove as much air as possible, and freeze until you're ready.

Lou's Most Excellent Grilled Lamb

Where your cute-soon-to-be-delicious lamb was born, raised, and ate affects just about everything about how Mary's Little Meal will taste. Firstly, a 'lamb' by most countries definitions is a sheep that is less than one year of age. Some countries get more specific; Australians further subcategorize lamb by how many teeth they have prior to slaughter. Lamb from Australia and New Zealand is often cheaper and has a more gamey taste than American lamb, which tends to impart more beef-like characteristics and is milder. Icelandic lamb - and there are a lot of them for which I can personally attest - sort of falls in the middle between the American and Aussie/NZ lamb. It's milder than their southern cousins but also leaner than the fatter US compatriots.

For Sunday dinner I decided on lamb as we were having Jim and his son Sam over. Lamb chops and ribs are easy to cook on the grill and prep'd in this manner represent a great, summery dish along side tomato/cucumber/feta salad, corn on the cob, and grilled raddichio. I wanted to do all ribs but some jackass who went to the Dupont Farmers Market that morning decided to buy nearly all of the ribs from Virginia Lamb before 9:15...only 15 minutes into the markets open. I thus was only able to get a 10 rib rack.

Either way, I picked up a few chops to top things off.

The "marinade" is quite simple:

1/3 cup of extra virgin olive oil + extra
1 sprig of fresh mint
5 - 8 fresh basil leaves
2 sprigs of fresh thyme
5 sprigs of parsley
2 cloves of garlic

Separate the herb leaves from their stems and put in a big pile on your cutting board. Add about 1 TBS of olive oil to this and using a rocking motion mince the herbs until none are larger than 1/8 of an inch. [By adding some oil to the mincing procedure this not only helps keep the herbs green but makes it a little easier by keeping them together.] Put this paste into a small container and add the rest of the olive oil. Mince the garlic and add to the herb mix. Set aside for 30 minutes.

Prepare the lamb. Cut the lamb rack into riblets of two each. Some like to do each individually; this is a pain since you have more to tend to on the grill and you REALLY risk over cooking them. Rinse all the lamb under cold water and pat dry with a paper towel. Lay all the pieces closely together on a large platter with the cut side of the riblets facing up.

Lightly salt and pepper one side of the lamb. Using a sharp paring knife, stab each piece once in the thickest, meatiest area. With a small spoon and your fingers, add about 1/2 teaspoon of the marinade into the hole. Rub half of the remaining herb paste into the lamb. Flip the pieces over and repeat. Set in the fridge for at least two hours but not more than four, uncovered.

One hour before cooking remove the lamb from the fridge; get your fire going. I've recently been experimenting with cooking only with wood. It's great because you get a real hot fire and it winds up being easier to manage in terms of heat and length of burn. However, it does take some management and as I lost attention to it yesterday it wound up nearly burning out. Have no fear though - throw another log on the fire and it's up and ready in 15 minutes.

Put the lamb on the grill over the fire. You don't want high flames here so wait until it's died down a bit. The lamb will cook fast...assuming you want it rare to medium rare. If not, stop reading this recipe and go to McDonald's. Sear each piece about 2 minutes on each side - you be the judge based on chop thickness - and remove to the cool side of the grill. My buddy Jim grilled his radicchio shortly thereafter. In the interim, Bailey The Bad Dog decided to lap up the butter off the table - a good half stick of some nice Icelandic Smjör while we screwed around with the lamb.

I was wondering where he'd went.

Lou's Most Excellent Kabob Tagliatelle

What started out as an idea for grilled spaghetti turned into this. "This" turned out to be quite good but I'm still going to work on the grilled spaghetti concept too.

On Sunday I made some killer kabobs at my folks' place. Tenderloin, shrimp, scallop, onion, bell pepper, mushroom, and squash. For four people - with an Italian sausage and calamari starter - it was way too much but that's how we do it. Fittingly, mom gave me a bunch of the left overs.

Reheating kabobs is flat-out lousy. The veggies get mushy, the meat over cooks, and it's never as satisfying as them coming right off the grill. Who in their right mind really likes reheated kabobs? Thus: do not look at left over kabobs as left over kabobs but rather the base ingredients for something else.

After four days of not having pasta, I wanted pasta. Friends' comments regarding grilling spaghetti revealed that this wasn't going to work on my grill. My grill basket was pretty rusted out and I was guessing a non-stick surface was more than somewhat necessary. Too much oil would have caused a lot of flare-ups so I decided to just pan fry.

1 pound tagliatelle pasta
Kabob leftovers
Other additions in your fridge (I used salt cured olives and grilled asparagus)
Extra virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
Parmesan cheese
Salt & pepper

Boil the pasta as per directions on the package, minus two minutes. Drain, run under cool water, and then set aside in cool water.

Separate the meat from the veggies in the kabobs. Cut each piece in half, if not quarters, so that each piece is now about the size of a quarter.

Drain the pasta in a colander and set aside.

Heat a very large skillet to medium-high heat. Add about 3 TBS of olive oil and the garlic all at once, sizzle for about 15 seconds, then dumb the veggies and other add-ins in. Continually toss for about 3 minutes, move to one side of the skillet, and then add the meats to the other side. Saute for about 3 - 5 more minutes to warm up the meats. Combine all and then remove to a clean plate.

Add about 3 TBS of olive oil to the pan and wait for the oil to "shimmer." Once this happens, add the drained pasta all at once, quickly toss, and let sit undisturbed for about 2 minutes. Toss quickly and sit another 2 minutes. Repeat this for 5 cycles; the pasta should start to brown.

Add in the veggies and toss to mix, cook an additional 3 - 4 minutes. Plate immediately and garnish with shaved Parmesan. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Lou's Most Excellent Grilled Chicken Sandwich Tips

A grilled chicken sandwich - done right - is a marvel unto itself. And that's the key: it has to be done right.

Brined chicken is the way to go, period. This way you don't dry it out.

Thin the breasts by filleting them, don't pound. Pounding destroys the tissue and gives it a weird texture. Sure, it tenderizes it but at the expense of making it mushy.

Keep the breast plain - no need to marinate, especially if you're brining.

If using left over chicken, such as what I did in the above picture, reheat it very slowly. On the stove over medium heat is enough. If in the oven do it at ~200F for 30 minutes. You just want to warm it - not recook it.

Lettuce, tomato, mayo. Cheese? I like provolone or Swiss. Bacon? Use it if you've got it. Avocado is grand.

But how to assemble? First, the bread should be toasted since this help maintain its integrity while you're eating it. Then place the chicken, cheese, lettuce, tomato (plus a pinch of salt) and a heavily mayo'ed bun on top. You want the mayo in contact with the tomato to enhance the flavor of both. Secure with big picks (I used porcupine quills above) and cut in half.

Eat it quickly as it has a half-life of 2 minutes. A cold grilled chicken sandwich just doesn't do it.

Suggestions welcomed!

Lou's Most Excellent Provolone Chicken

Grilled chicken can be one of the most boring things around. Brining (see LME Chicken Brine) helps a lot as does marinating in other concoctions.

If you know how to grill chicken, however, salt & pepper are enough to do the job. A little of these sprinkled on the chicken, cooked over a nice fire, works wonders. Now, that all said….

Here’s a recipe that’s quick, easy, and yields a flavorful chicken breast that can be used in multiple ways. There are few ingredients; the prep of this makes the chicken come out great tasting so pay attention. This goes great on top of a green salad, on a bun, or even as a main course with corresponding sides.

A thing about provolone. There’s provolone and then there’s provolone. Domestic provolone tends to be mild in flavor. Here in the US most commercial makers have it in their minds that all provolone is destined for some incarnation of the Italian sub so it has to slice nicely and musn't upset the masses. A hearty, aged provolone is very difficult to slice; it can have the texture of block of Parmesan if it gets old enough. It will have a very sharp – near 5 year cheddar-like – bite and feel like there are patches of salt crystals within, like an aged Gouda. This is often labeled as provolone piccante and is typically aged 4 - 12 months.

THAT, my friends, is provolone.

4 boneless chicken breasts
¼ pound Italian (i.e. imported) sharp provolone
1 TSP Herbs de Provence
2 garlic cloves, finely minced or pressed
Juice of ½ a lemon
Extra virgin olive oil
Salt & Pepper

Take the herbs and add 2 TSP of hot tap water to them. Set aside for 15 minutes to let them rehydrate. While this is going on….

Rinse and pat dry each breast. Using a very sharp, thin knife, insert the knife down the length of the breast from the thick end down ¾ of the way toward the thin end, creating a 1” wide, deep pocket. Cut the provolone into ½” wide ¼” thick strips about half the length of the chicken, two strips per breast.

Add 4 TBS of olive oil add the herbs, garlic, 2 big pinches of salt, 5 cranks of pepper and the lemon juice. Whisk together.

Rub some of the marinade over the cheese strips. Insert two strips of provolone into each breast. [It’s OK if it’s sticking out a little.] Add the breasts to a bowl and cover with the remaining herbed olive oil. Set in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Cook chicken on a grill using the indirect method (on the side of the heat, not over it), with some hickory pieces thrown in for flavor. Place the chicken on the grill and pour the remaining marinade over. Grill closed for about 20 minutes, perhaps longer for thicker pieces.

Goes great on a salad, in a bun, or just on the side.

Lou's Most Excellent Chicken Fajitas

According to Rob Walsh in "The Tex-Mex Cookbook," the first fajita originated in 1973 at Ninfa's, located on Navigation Street in Houston, TX.

Of course, any claim like that is surely met with controversy as others claim it was invented much earlier, perhaps the 1940s when Hispanic ranch hands using typically undesired cuts of meat (head, intestines, diaphragm) would marinate these in lime juice and serve them on flour tortillas with all the fixin's. At an outdoor festival in 1969, Sonny Falcon took skirt steak, some salt and pepper, and cutting against the grain made little chunks of meat out of it and wrapped it in a tortilla. On and on and on....

Here is a great recipe for chicken fajitas. It has some elements of the classics and then some. You can do this with skirt steak too; just follow the same procedure except cut the steak against the grain when finished. This is also one of the few instances where I use a commercial spice blend in my cooking: Stubb's Chili-Lime Spice Rub . It's quite good.

1 pound of chicken breasts, filleted
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 TSP table salt
1 TBS ground cumin
2 TBS olive oil
Juice of two limes (lemons can be a sub)
Stubb's Chili-Lime Spice Rub

In a bowl large enough to put the chicken in, add the garlic and salt and with a spatula mash into a paste. Mix in the cumin, then the olive oil and then the lime juice. Toss in the chicken and coat; place in fridge for 30 minutes.

Get your grill going. You can do these on the stove too but the grill is preferred. A hickory-based fire is awesome here.

Remove the chicken from the fridge and sprinkle some Chili-Lime rub to each side (as much as you want). Gently press the rub in with your fingers.

Grill chicken over direct heat for about 1½ - 2 minutes per side. You don't want to over cook it, hence why you filet them to start with. Cut each piece of chicken, along the grain, into about 5 - 6 strips.

Serve immediately with warm flour tortillas and your favorite condiments, such as salsa, sour cream, cheese, and the suggestions below.

Pico de Gallo
- ½ medium minced yellow onion
- 2 Roma tomatoes, seeds removed and cut into ¼ inch bits
- 1 Jalapeno pepper, seeds removed and minced
- Juice of one lime
- Combine all the above ingredients and add a big pinch of salt

Grilled Onions & Peppers
- 1 medium yellow onion, halved and cut into ½ inch strips
- 1 bell pepper (color doesn't matter), halved, seeds removed, and cut into ½ strips
- 2 Jalapeno peppers, seeds removed, and cut into ¼ inch strips
- Combine the onion and peppers in a large bowl.
- Sprinkle ½ TSP salt and 7 - 10 cranks of black pepper, toss, and then toss in about 2 TBS of olive oil.
- Rest for 10 minutes then grill over high heat in a grill basket or a hot pan.
- Get a good char on these but take them off before they get floppy. You want them to stay crunchy.

Lou's Most Excellent Kitchen Tips: Grilled Pizza

I make a pretty mean grilled pizza. It's really not that hard to do if you have a grill and some gumption. It does take some attention to detail as even slight variations can really mess this up.

The following tips are more of a guide for grilling pizza rather than an actual recipe. I've included a dough and sauce recipe that I've used many, many times that works well. However, if you have access to a local wood fired pizza shop, see if you can buy some dough from them. They've spent the better part of their career perfecting their dough and will likely sell it too you cheaper than what it would cost to buy the ingredients.

Avoid pizza dough from your local grocery, including Trader Joe’s. These have been handled a bit too hard and you may not know how old they are (a dough shouldn’t be held at fridge temp for more than three days). What results from grilling these is a chewy, undercooked crust that’s often difficult to work with.

It is important for the dough to have a high gluten content - this allows you to stretch the dough easily. Since you're aiming for a thin crust that's critical. Typical high-gluten flours are general "all purpose" types.

I cannot stress that enough: thin crust. As in nearly ½ to ¼ inch thin. With a relaxed, high gluten crust this won't be difficult.

Everything you want on your pizza should be ready in advance and within easy reach. From rolling the dough to topping to on the grill should take no more than 5 minutes. An assembly line is ideal.

Ingredients should be at or near room temperature too.

Equipment: cutting board, thin cookie sheet or pizza paddle, large metal spatula, grill tongs, grill mitt.

The grill. The hotter the fire the better. Gas grills, because they’re prone to condensation and do not get as hot, are not ideal for cooking pizza but do the job. Make sure it’s been on for at least 30 minutes before using it.

A BIG indirect fire is what you want, meaning, the coals/fire is on one half of the grill and the other half is empty.

Use real wood if you can and quartered splits if you can find them (hickory preferred). Splits last longer and burn hotter. If using briquettes use a lot of them - about 8 - 10 pounds. Lump charcoal is great but the fire will burn out quickly; be prepared to continually feed it if using lump.

Count on at least an hour to have the fire ready; longer if using splits.

Do not use a pizza stone on the grill unless the stone says you can. Most stones are not rated for temperatures above 600 degrees.

When rolling the pizza dough be generous with flour to prevent sticking to the rolling surface and easier manipulation on the paddle. Corn meal also works to prevent sticking; use this when done shaping the dough.

Shaping. I tend to make my pizzas in the shape of a 14 inch oblong “football.” Roundness works but I find that with the haste of getting this done shape isn't so much a worry. I've made pizza shapes that would make Picasso envious. A) It's still gonna taste the same and B) gives it some more homemade character.

Also make sure the crust isn’t too big. You should make it so you have at least 2 - 3” of clearance from the sides of the grill to allow easier manipulation and more even heat distribution around it.

Since the pizzas are small count on one pizza per person. This is part of the fun: you're making multiple pizzas so you can experiment with different toppings and combinations.

You CAN have too much when it comes to toppings. Decorate your pizzas thinly. Now is not the time for extra cheese, double pepperoni, sausage, ham, meatballs and extra sauce. Go thin on the sauce, the cheese should just barely cover the sauce, only about 6 - 8 thin slices of pepperoni, etc. Limit overall toppings to four max.

Toppings like sausage, bacon, shrimp, meatballs, chicken, broccoli and others that require long cook times should be precooked. Cut large chunks into bite sized pieces.

Force yourself to do just a classic cheese pizza first. This is the experiment and will give you a good gauge on how things are going for your baseline.

Some great combos:
- Cheese, tomato sauce, pepperoni, fresh garlic, mushroom
- Cheese, olive oil, fresh garlic, dried oregano
- Cheese, ricotta, tomato sauce OR olive oil, spinach leaves, fresh garlic
- Cheese, ricotta, tomato sauce, sausage
- Cheese, Parmesan, pepperoni, tomato sauce, cherry tomatoes, arugula (add this when finished)
- Classic Neopolitan (mozzarella, sauce, basil, olive oil drizzle)
- Classic Margherita “DOCG” (buffalo mozzarella, crushed tomatoes, basil leaves, olive oil drizzle)

Cheeses. Mozzarella (both regular and buffalo), provolone, fontina, ricotta, Parmesan all work great. A favorite blend of mine is a 75/25 mix of mozzarella and provolone.

If you have a big active fire in the grill it's not ready yet. You want the fire to die down some to mostly hot, glowing embers. Fire = burnt pizza. (Duh)

The pizzas will cook fast. Slide decorated the pizza onto the side of the grill with no coals and then close the lid for about 3 minutes. Open and using your spatula lift up the side closest to the coals; if it's browned rotate the pizza 180 degrees and close the lid again for 3 - 5 minutes. By now all the toppings should be melted. Let it set at room temp for about 2 minutes then serve immediately.

Troubleshooting
Pizza cooking slow. It's due to one or both of two things: pizza is too thick or the fire isn't hot enough. The corrections for this are easy...thinner crust or boost your fire.

Crust too thick and you can't thin it out. Low gluten content in the dough and there are a couple options here. Roll out the dough and place it on the grill with no toppings. After it's cooked some (bubbles will start to appear on the crust), flip it, and then decorate the pizza directly on the grill. You can also roll the dough out in between two sheets of parchment paper.

This is a bit tricky but it works well. When thin enough let it rest for about 5 minutes then peel off the parchment and place on the floured work surface. Work quickly.

Toppings melted, crust not crispy but chewy. You've got a low gluten crust most likely. A quick fix is to move the pizza over the fire when finished. This will crisp up the crust but will yield a pita-like consistency. If you don't say anything your guests won't know the difference.

Recipes

Lou's Most Excellent Pizza Dough

Before starting note this is an overnight recipe and you need a heavy duty electric mixer.

4½ cups all-purpose flour, sifted
1 packet instant yeast
2 TBS honey
2 TSP salt
Extra virgin olive oil

In 1.5 cups of babywarm water add the yeast, stir, and set aside for 10 minutes. If this does not begin to foam at the top after 10 minutes start over as your yeast is probably old or the water was too hot.

Combine the flour and salt in a mixing bowl and attach to your mixture with the dough hook(s). Add the yeast+water, honey, and 2 TBS of olive oil. Turn the mixture on low to combine. Now...pay attention.

The above is a very very very crucial step in pizza dough making. You don't want to overwork the dough here. If the mixer is "fighting" it too hard, meaning having a tough time, you need to add more water (if dry) or flour (if wet) by the tablespoon. The dough is done when it balls up into one solid lump and the hooks move it around the bowl. When that happens turn the mixer off for 10 - 15 minutes and let it "relax."

After this first 10 - 15 minutes turn the mixer back on for about 2 minutes. By now the dough should be somewhat of a solid clump - not too sticky, not too dry. It will have a wet appearance but will hold together. This will "feel right" almost by instinct so trust yourself here.

Plop the dough onto a floured work surface. Using a very sharp knife cut it into six equal parts and form balls out of them. Rub some olive oil over them, place on a large parchment lined cookie sheet, cover with plastic wrap and set at room temp for about 15 minutes. Place the cookie sheet in the fridge overnight.

The next day take the rounds out at least one hour before you plan to do anything with them.

Lou's Most Excellent Pizza Sauce

Simplicity is the key here so don't screw around with this too much. I don't add any sugar to my pizza sauce - it doesn't need it. If you want a sweet sauce just order Pizza Hut and call it an evening.

1 quart/box of crushed tomatoes (Pomi brand is my favorite)
3 cloves of garlic, finely minced
4 - 6 basil leaves, chiffoned
Extra virgin olive oil
Salt & pepper

Heat about 2 TBS of olive oil over medium heat in a 2 - 3 quart pot. Add the garlic and saute for about 30 seconds, then pour the tomatoes in and add the basil. Give about 4 big pinches of salt and a few cranks of pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes.

Lou's Most Excellent Kitchen Tips: Steak

With spring and summer coming I figured these tips would be handy.

There are eight USDA grades of meat: Prime, Choice, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility, Cutter and Canner. The grading is done via visual inspection by a trained USDA inspector. Prime is the highest marbled grade and there are three gradations of Prime and Choice marbling (+, standard, and -). Choice and Select are what you find at most grocers. Standard and Commercial are usually reserved for store branded products. Everything below that is typically used in processed foods (think Slim Jim’s).

The cut used by inspectors to determine the grade is the rib eye.

The age of the cow has a direct effect on the marbling. The older the animal, the less marbling and the tougher the meat is.

Angus bulls (four of them) were first imported to the US in 1873 from Scotland. Black Angus (sometimes referred to Aberdeen) are from the original breed but due to cross breeding no original progeny are available today in the US. Red Angus have been selected out from the Black Angus population. Angus cattle are also hornless.

While the “Certified Angus Beef” label has been in use since 1978, Angus beef still must meet quality standards that have been set up for Angus and labeled “Certified Angus Beef” which are separate from USDA grading.

Kobe vs. Wagyu? Kobe is Wagyu. Wagyu in Japanese means “Japanese cattle.” Kobe is Wagyu from Kobe, Japan, which is so finely marbled some cuts look near white and go for $300+ per pound.

The first importation of Wagyu cattle into the US was in 1976: two Kumamoto Red Wagyu bulls and two Tottori black Wagyu. The next importation didn’t occur until 1993 and then 1994. American Wagyu have some resemblance to Kobe, but in this writers opinion doesn’t even come close. Worth $80 for four one ounce pieces?...........kind’a.

If you don’t know how to cook steak don’t bother with Wagyu. You really need to know what you’re doing.

The term "hanger steak" got its name from butchers who when cutting up the animal off a hanging meat hook always had this piece as the last one. It is the last piece "hanging."

Most taste tests have the rib eye coming in first for flavor and texture. Strip steaks, like the NY or Kansas City strip are often the close second. Filet mignons, while being the tenderest of cuts, do not have that beefy flavor you get from a rib eye or strip.

The rib eye comes from the rib roast, which is usually referred to as "prime rib." There is nothing "prime" about prime rib unless it is USDA prime. What the market calls "prime rib" is actually rib roast and is likely choice grade. . How "prime rib" got its incorrect name is probably due to choice cut rib roasts still costing a minor fortune.

Always rinse your steaks quickly under cold water and pat dry with paper towels prior to doing anything with them. Trace amounts of residual blood from the steak makes its way to the surface leaving a metallic tasting residue due to oxidation.

The best seasonings for steak are salt, fresh coarse pepper, and a little extra virgin olive oil. Garlic works too: just rub a cut clove on to it. Do not use minced garlic on the meat as it will burn while cooking and not taste good.

Remove your steaks from the fridge two hours prior to cooking. Generously salt and pepper and set them on a cooling rack uncovered at room temperature. This process mimics dry ageing. Rub with just a little olive oil prior to cooking so the steaks don’t stick to the grill.

Dry ageing is an easy way to add tenderness to your steaks. You can take a cheaper cut of meat and make it nearly taste a grade better if you do this 2 – 3 days prior to cooking. Set them in a fridge, uncovered, on a cooling rack over a plate. This is OK – you won’t get sick from it. They may start to look a little funky but don’t worry. For larger cuts of meat dry age times of 10 – 21 days are not unusual. Do not attempt this unless you have very controlled conditions which you likely don’t since the equipment is often specialized.

Contrary to popular belief both Ruth’s Chris and Morton’s wet age their beef, not dry. Wet ageing does not take as long (about half the time as dry), cheaper, and more economical since the steaks do not shrink as much. Nearly 90% of the “aged” meat on the market is wet aged. In this process, steaks are placed in plastic bags, vacuum sealed, and stored in the fridge for 7 – 10 days. The steak comes out tender but the flavor profile is not as intense as dry aged beef since the beef doesn’t shrink and concentrate flavors due to moisture loss.

Save marinating for cheap cuts. If you want additional flavors for your steaks make sauces and serve them on the side.

Cooking steak is more art than science. Too many variables exist: quality, cut, thickness, temp of steak, heat of grill or stove, outdoor temp if doing this outside, air flow over the grill, chef’s confidence, etc. This is something you just develop a green thumb for and one you can develop fast. Learn some basic principles outlined here and soon it will be effortless. You’ll soon become the King of Steaks.

The more variables you remove the more likely this will become reproducible.

Best way to cook a steak? Whatever tastes best to you.

My top choice is an open fire grill with lump charcoal and/or real wood. Lump charcoal or wood gives you a searing hot fire that’s much hotter than briquettes or propane. Light about 50% more charcoal than you think you need. The charcoal is ready when it’s just about to ashen on top. Place your grate about 3” from the fire and throw the steaks on 3 minutes later. Sizzle for 2 – 4 minutes, flip to a hot part of the grate, and sizzle 2 – 4 minutes more. Two minutes for flank steaks, 4 minutes for 1.5” rib eyes or filet mignons. Shoot down any flare ups with water as the burning oil/fat will affect the flavor albeit some folks are into that. Cooking time is dependent on steak thickness.

This method will give a very rare steak, pending thickness, but will be warm in the center if you let it sit out 2 hours prior to cooking. For more doneness, move the steaks to the other side of the grill where you don’t have a fire. Close the lid to just a crack and let them cook there.

Lump charcoal burns at around 1250 degrees Fahrenheit, hardwoods around 1100 – 1500 pending on wood and dryness, briquettes around 900, and a 36,000 BTU propane/natural gas grill around 600. All of these figures are highly dependent on airflow and design of the grill. The temperatures of the broilers at Ruth’s Chris approach 1800 while those at Morton’s are 800.

It takes a 36,000 BTU gas grill about 20 minutes to reach 600 degrees. It takes lump charcoal 30 minutes, from lighting to grill, to get to 1000 degrees. Think about that when considering how much time gas grills actually save.

Listen, the fact of the matter is that gas grills are for pussies. I don't care how big and shiny your "outdoor stove" is or how much you spent or how convenient you claim they are. You're a pussy, you know it, and just fess up to the fact you've got balls the size of peanuts. Us charcoal guys have a level of respect equivalent to that seen in pack animals and you're at the back of the pack cowering while we lead.

And your wife knows this too.

I like my steak served hot on my plate – I don’t go for this letting it rest at room temp for 5 minutes before dishing it up. Prior to plating I throw it back on the hot side of the grill for about 30 seconds on each side.

A cast iron pan is a fantastic way to cook steak too. No need for olive oil rub here either. Preheat your oven to 350 for one hour. Heat the pan up over medium high/high heat for about 8 - 10 minutes. Pour about 2 TBS of clarified butter per steak into the pan, let butter burn a little, then put the steak in, giving each steak at least 1” of room on all sides. Sizzle undisturbed 1 – 4 minutes, add 2 TBS more butter, and flip again. Remove pan from heat and place in oven for 8 – 12 minutes pending level of doneness desired.

Steaks only need to be flipped once and should be minimally manipulated while cooking. The reason is that the cooking process is melting the intramuscular fat that makes the meat tender. The more you fuck with the steak the more you screw that process up through squeezing and mushing it. You want the fat to melt and stay put where it melted. Never, never, never push the steak down onto the cooking surface while cooking it.

Testing doneness. You can use a meat thermometer but for that you need one where the temperature sensor is actually in the TIP of the instrument, such as a ThermaPen. Most meat thermometers have the sensor about 1” – 2” up from the tip. I use the “pinched finger” scale. Touch your thumb and index finger together and pinch the fleshy part of your skin in between them with your other hand – this is rare and if your steak feels like that you’re done. Middle finger to your thumb is medium and pinky to thumb is well done.

A steak will continue to slowly cook once removed from the heat for about 2 – 5 more minutes. Remember that. This is especially true with steaks cooked to the medium range.

If someone says they want it really rare or "mooing" (ugh...please...) and are absolutely adamant about it and making a scene...just do it. They’re either a) really serious or b) have a small dick. You'll know which by how much they eat of it.

Well done steaks are not worth cooking. If someone wants well done use a cheaper cut of meat and slather it with some kind of A1 product – they may even “ask for it by name.” It’s not usually their fault they’re like this: they’ve just never had a good steak. I’ve converted many well-done types to medium/medium rarers over the years by making them a good steak.

Lou's Most Excellent Kitchen Tips: Grilling Chicken

Grilling chicken is, in fact, rocket science. Too many people blow grilling the bird by steering from some basic principles and all rocket science is based on one simple principle: F=ma*. I hope these help in you obtaining legendary grilled chicken that turn an ordinary tasteless piece of meat into something folks will crave.

The bird matters, period. Where the bird came from, kind of bird, what it ate growing up, how it was processed and how it finally arrived on your door is the biggest factor to great chicken. Chicken is the main ingredient in “chicken,” after all.

Purdue and Tyson are good for feeding a crowd cheaply; store brands even more so. But if you’re looking for chicken that tastes like chicken, you’ll need to spring a few bucks. Small organic producers, such as Eberly here in the upper mid-Atlantic, are wonderful. A bit costly worth it. Bell & Evans, a national brand, is also good too.

Buying these brands is also “greener” but all that is lost once you fire up the grill and put the chicken over the top of cancer-causing charcoal fumes. So for all you organic best-for-my-body types you should think about that.

But why?

Prepare your chicken. Prior to doing anything with it rinse it under cold water and pat dry with paper towels. Try to blot as much moisture off the skin too – this will (marginally) help in achieving a crisp skin.

Whole bird? Quartered? Pieces? No matter what you should consider brining the bird. Brining is pretty simple and has been around as long as Jews have roamed the earth. Seriously. Brining – and in Judaism it’s typically a dry brine – is part of the Kosher process.

A basic brine is just salt and water usually in the proportion of ¼ cup of salt to 1 quart of cold water. Mix the two together (adjust volumes as necessary to cover all the pieces) and add the chicken. Brine for 30 – 50 minutes, pending pieces/amounts. See LME Chicken Brine for more details.

(I hope) It goes without saying you should not brine kosher chicken.

Flavoring the bird. Add any rubs or pastes underneath the skin of the chicken, not on top. Garlic in olive oil + red and black pepper is great. Jerk rubs. Even just herb flavored butters.

You can put flavorings on the outside too but if you have a lot of oil in the flavoring most will just drip off. Dry rubs/seasonings only for the outside.

This may sound counter intuitive but the hotter the fire the better. Reason is that you’re not cooking the chicken on (direct) but next (indirect) to the fire. Chicken is delicate so treat it that way.

Trim the legs. With a sharp knife, cut around the leg right below the ankle of the leg, ensuring you cut through the tendons. As the leg cooks the meat shrinks up to where it looks like you have a meatball on a stick. In this case it’s a very, very tender meatball.

Is it done? Again, many variables here but in general put the fatter ends toward the fire and thinners toward the back.
- Whole chicken. Place legs toward the fire. It’s likely done in about 50 minutes.
- Parts (bones in). If you put your boned-in breasts closer to the fire and quarter parts (legs, thighs) further and you have a pretty hot fire, count on 40 minutes.
- Parts (no bones). Put the boned in pieces (legs, thighs) closer to the fire and the breasts toward the rear. Figure 30 – 40 minutes.
- Boneless breasts alone. 20 minutes, if not sooner (pending thickness).

A thermometer is a must here for beginners. Chicken should be cooked to an internal temp of 160oF. Measuring this is tough since you can’t touch the bone of the chicken so insert the thermometer at angle in the fattest parts of the meat, which are the top of the breast and the upper thighs.

When removing the thermometer the juices should run clear. If somewhat pink it’s not fully ready but getting close.

Right before removing the chicken I place the pieces over the fire (direct side of the grill) for about 3 minutes to sear the skin up a bit more.

Try not to manipulate the chicken too much while cooking it. You should leave it relatively undisturbed on the grill, covered (vents ¼ to ½ open). And NEVER press the pieces into the grill while cooking.

Hickory is a great wood for adding flavor to chicken. Throw a few soaked chips or chunks into it. Applewood and maple are nice too. Mesquite and pecan are a bit strong for chicken and I don’t recommend it. You also only need a handful of chips/chunks to get the flavor in.

BBQ sauce. Mistake 1: putting the sauce on prior to cooking the chicken. Bad idea. Mistake 2: putting the sauce on when your completely done. Add BBQ sauce on to the chicken about 10 minutes before you’re finished. This helps cook the sauce a bit onto the skin.

You can – if desired – add the sauce then place the pieces directly over the fire to caramelize it a bit if you’re into that.

Let grilled chicken cool for about 5 minutes before doing anything to it (10 minutes if it’s a whole bird). This lets the meat relax a little and helps in keeping it tender.


*F=ma, Newton’s Second Law. Force = mass*acceleration where a = dv/dt (which is the acceleration of an object is proportional to the force applied, and inversely proportional to the mass of the object).

Lou's Most Excellent Pork Rub

This is a pretty good rub for a pulled pork (Carolina style). It's simple and stores well if you choose to make a lot of it. I've tried it on ribs and wasn't too jazzed by it so stick with butts, blades or picnics. What's written below is enough rub for two 5 pound butts and then some.

5 TBS light brown sugar
2 TBS kosher salt
2 TBS fresh ground pepper
2 TBS hot paprika
1 TBS crushed red pepper flakes
1 TBS onion powder
1 TBS ground cumin
1 TBS dried thyme
1 TBS dried oregano
1 TBS garlic powder
1/2 TBS cayenne pepper

Mix all together and store in an airtight container until ready for use. For pork rubs I rub it in at least the night before and wrap tightly. By the next day the flavors have infused well enough into the meat that the resultant bark and smoke ring everyone is clamoring for.

Lou's Most Excellent Chicken Brine

Use this brine for your chicken prior to cooking, unless the chicken is to be used in a sauced based dish. The meat stays tender and moist while the addition of the veggies and herbs enhances the flavor of chicken so it’s not “just chicken.” This recipe makes enough brine for a whole roasting chicken. If just doing a few parts you can easily halve it.

Chicken brined like this tastes great coming off the grill, especially if you’ve thrown some hickory into the fire.

Many brines call for the addition of sugar, the theory being the sugar helps crisp the skin. I say that’s bullshit and hence no sugar.

½ cup kosher salt
1 TBS coarse ground black pepper
6 garlic cloves, crushed (skins on are OK too)
½ medium yellow onion, coarsely chopped
1 bay leaf, crushed
5 whole parsley sprigs, coarsely chopped
1 TSP dried oregano
1 TSP dried or fresh chives
1 TSP dried thyme
1 TSP dried rosemary

In a 4 quart bowl or pot fill with 2 quarts of cold water. Add the pepper and salt and stir until dissolved (this will take a bit of time)., then the onion and garlic. Take all the herbs - fresh and dried - and coarsely chop together. Add chicken and place in fridge according to times below. Try not to exceed these times as the chicken may become too salty.

Boneless chicken breasts: 30 minutes
Bone in chicken parts: 40 minutes
Whole chicken: 60 minutes

Rinse chicken under cold water prior to doing anything.

Lou's Most Excellent Chicken n' Rice

It’s such a bummer that when grilling season starts in the spring (correction: it never “stops,” it just slows down in the winter) many of those oven dishes that you reacquaint yourself over the winter months disappear.

I’m a fan of white trashy recipes, such as the classic Chicken & Rice made, of course, with Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom (or Broccoli) soup glop. The whole thing is perhaps four ingredients: chicken parts, instant rice, soup/glop mix, and maybe a canned veggie thrown in for good measure.

Unfortunately I’ve grown up a bit.

So the other night I decided to give this a shot but I was grilling my chicken. Some would instantaneously say, “You’re screwed, dude. The chicken has to cook with the rice.” Au contraire mon ami. Here’s my version that’s fresher, tastier, and perhaps a bit healthier (no can of mystery glop here). It’s some work but it’s excellent. And you still get to grill your chicken.

1 whole chicken, quartered, brined in LME Chicken Brine
1 cup Jasmine rice
Chicken broth, at least 2 cups
2 small heads of broccoli, cut into florettes
2 TBS unsalted butter
¼ cup dry white wine
8 button mushrooms, stems removed, cut into eighths.
½ medium yellow onion, grated
1 garlic clove, minced
1 TBS parsley, minced
2 cups milk (1% will work)
1 TBS flour
1 cup grated Monterrey Jack cheese
Salt
Pepper

Preheat oven to 350. Grill chicken when you’re ready – this recipe will take about 45 minutes so if you put your chicken on indirect heat on the grill when you start this you’ll be done in time.

Blanch the broccoli florettes for 2 minutes in salted boiling water, drain, and cool under tap water. Set aside.

Bring 1.75 cups of chicken broth to a boil, add the rice, stir to mix and resume to boil. When boiling, reduce heat to simmer, cover, and cook undisturbed for 20 minutes.

In a small skillet over medium heat add 1 TBS of butter and melt. Add the mushrooms, a big pinch of salt, 5 cranks of fresh pepper and lightly sauté for about 5 minutes. Add the onion and parsley, sauté an additional ~3 minutes, then add garlic and continue for 30 more seconds. Add the wine and simmer off. Remove mix from pan and reserve the pan to make the Béchamel.

Béchamel sauce. This is one of those things that you have to know how to do as a cook. It’s a foundation: here it is. In the pan you cooked the mushrooms add 1 TBS of butter, melt over medium heat, then add 1 TBS of flour. Stir and bring to paste that bubbles. Add 1 cup of milk and stir to mix. This will thicken up to creamy, albeit somewhat tasteless, sauce. Voila: you’ve made a “light” Béchamel sauce. A medium sauce would be 2 TBS each of butter and flour and thick would be 3 TBS each.

Transfer the rice (should be done by now) to a large bowl. Add the Béchamel, mushrooms, and three big pinches of salt and mix. Then toss in the broccoli.

In an 8x8 pan add half of the mix and sprinkle ½ cup of the cheese. Top off with remaining mix and cheese, pour 1 cup of milk over this, cover and set in the oven. Cook for about 10 minutes covered then 10 uncovered.

Fin.

This may not be as salty as some would like so if “something’s” missing, add some salt.