Lou's Most Excellent Smashed Spicy Squash

This was adapted from, I think, an original recipe from Jamie Oliver. I've modified it quite a bit.

You can use this as a dip for crusty baguette or as a side dish. Best part is that it's easy, relatively healthy for you (albeit it's got a shitload of olive oil in it), and pretty much everyone likes it.

I've "twisted" this version a bit. What's written is what I did tonight but I've noted what I usually do. I'm certain that Sichuan peppercorns are not usually found in most home kitchens....

...and these are wonderful things. They have an unusual property of creating a numbing sensation, especially on the lips. They're not hot like a classical hot pepper nor pungetly-sneezy like black pepper. Dare I say it (and risk sounding like an idiot from a TV show hyped up on uppers): they're kind'a fun.

Lookie here though: these lil' bastards can pack a punch that you're not used to and may not be expecting. If not familiar with them I suggest you cut the amount I call for in half or just use red pepper flakes to a level you like. Your lips and tongue will numb up, almost like on Novocaine, but the heat sensation is not blinding. It's there, but different. I suppose there was a reason they were illegal in the US up until a few years ago (really).

[Note: this dish takes about 45 minutes to make. Most of it is just waiting around but for a veggie/side/app, you should know that this isn't very quick.]

1 leek, white part only, thinly chopped
1 tsp Sichuan peppercorns, coarsely ground (normal: 1 TSP red pepper flakes)
3 garlic cloves, minced (use less if you're not into garlic)
1 tsp Herbs de Provence
4 medium zucchini
1 medium eggplant, peeled (optional - good for stretching)
A lot of extra virgin olive oil
Salt - I've been using sea salt as of late

In a 3 - 4 quart pot (pending if you're using an eggplant or not), add about 3 TBS of olive oil over low heat. Add the leek and sweat it over medium-low heat for about 10 minutes until softened.

Meanwhile, cut the zucchini into big chunks as so:

Cut two in half lengthwise, then into 8 pieces.
Cut one in half lengthwise, then into 4 pieces.
Cut the last into 5 pieces.

Look - do whatever. You need some big pieces and small pieces and that's the deal. If using the eggplant, cut big cubes (say, 2"x1" and some smaller ones that are 1"x1"). I'm certain you'll figure it out. Set aside.

Add the peppercorns and cook for about 2 minutes; the fat from the oil helps release the "heat" from the peppercorns. Add in the garlic and cook for about 1 minute, then the zucchini, eggplant (if using), herbs, and about 2 TBS more oil. Toss to mix, set heat to medium low, cover, and let simmer for about 20 minutes undisturbed.

After about 20 minutes remove the lid and using a flat-ended thinger (this is my favorite tool for doing this - a flat wooden spatula),

smash the shit out of the pieces. Some will stay big, some will not...this is a result of starting with a melange of sizes. The largest pieces remaining should be as big as the smallest you started with (make sense?).

At this point salt to taste and you'll quickly find out if you made it too hot too. If so, there ain't much you can do at this point except Plan B: live up to it or Plan C: go get a bag of frozen broccoli and serve that.

Set heat to simmer and let simmer uncovered for another 20 min.

Serve as you wish....

Lou's Most Excellent HFS Garlic Hummus

I can't believe how crazy-stupid-easy it is to make hummus. To think I've been buying the inferior crap at the store all these years. Shame! SHAME on me! This said it makes a mess. Cutting board, food processor, etc. BUT...well worth it.

This makes A LOT of hummus so if you've got a party happening, great. If it's just the two of you get ready to hate hummus by the third day. Recipes I found called for very little garlic (which I changed) and I think a spash of paprika helps too. Lemon juice is critical. Most recipes called for 1 TBS of lemon juice, I think 2 TBS is better along with some zest.

2 cans of chickpeas, drained, liquid reserved
½ cup of tahini
½ cup of good extra virgin olive oil
1 TSP kosher salt
1 TSP hot paprika
8 large garlic cloves, peeled
Juice from two large lemons
Zest from half a lemon

In your food processor add everything all at once, minus the chickpea liquid. Blend the shit out of it for about 2 - 3 minutes. While blending, add in about ½ a cup reserved chickpea juice so the hummus takes on the consistency of...hummus.

The longer you blend, the smoother it gets. [Duh.] I think I wound up going 4 minutes but experienced the law of diminishing returns on that.

Serve in a bowl with extra olive oil and a sprinkling of paprika (optional). Dip anything you want (assuming it's edible) into it. Cucumbers, radishes, pita, carrots, celery, etc.

Lou's Most Excellent Insalata Caprese

There's really nothing to make here: you either have good tomatoes, basil, mozzarella and olive oil or you don't. Any one of these four legs of the stool go missing and it all falls down.

For this I used three different types of heirloom tomatoes (even the Roma's were an heirloom variety). Any good farmers market will have them this time of year; I got mine at Whole Foods since the damned Dupont Farmers Market is open on Sunday and not Saturday, which is when I went shopping. At least I tried to go local.

Buffalo mozzarella works best for this dish but if you can't find it choose your best cow's milk variety. Cut the cheese fairly thick and let sit on a cutting board for about 5 minutes to let residual liquid drain off. Cut the tomatoes to the same thickness as the cheese and stack them how you please. Sprinkle JUST A LITTLE flake-style sea salt over the tomatoes, drizzle with extra virgin olive oil, and garnish with whole basil leaves.

These flavors carry their own. This is one dish were less is, in fact, more.

Lou's Most Excellent Guacamole

What is guacamole?

For starters it's about 95% avocado. And that means if you've got crappy avocados you're going to get crappy guacamole. QED: you need great avocados. A great, ripe avocado is somewhat soft to the touch. The kind of soft that if you pinch too hard you get a little worried you damaged it.

That's a ripe-I'm-ready-for-guacamole avocado. Anything harder don't bother with. Really...and I'm sorry to say that if that's all you got...you ain't having great guacamole tonight.

Avocado's originate in the New World from the tree Persica americana. Avocado's are not a fruit but rather a berry: it's a long story and I'm not getting into it as it has to do with ovaries and such with plants. Speaking of "such," the word 'avocado' derives from āhuacatl, which is the Azetecan/Nahuatl word for 'testicle'.

Nice!

Anyways. There are two main types of avocados found in the US: Haas (the black, rough ones) and Fuerte (the big green ones with smooth skin). The Fuerte's tend to be much larger so adjust as necessary as this recipe is written for Haas berries.

3 ripe (and I mean ripe) Haas avocados
½ yellow onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 Jalapeno, finely chopped
1 Roma tomato, seeded and chopped
2 TBS unsalted butter
Juice of one lime
Salt

In a small skillet sweat the onion with three big pinches of salt in the butter over medium-low heat. It should barely be simmering. You're goal here is to make the onions translucent without browning. This will take about 5 - 7 minutes. In the last 30 seconds add the garlic and Jalapeno.

Let cool to near room temperature, about 15 minutes.

Peel the avocados and put the pulp into a bowl. Add the onion mixture and lime juice; coarsely mix then add in the tomatoes. I like my guacamole with a few chunks of avocado in it and not fully pureed.

Add additional salt if needed.

To store the guacamole without it browning, put a layer of plastic wrap directly on top of the guacamole, trying to remove as much air as possible. Store in the fridge for up to two days; remove from fridge 30 minutes prior to serving.